


The Hardest of Choices

by donutsweeper



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: F/F, Introspection, Mornings, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:11:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2799083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donutsweeper/pseuds/donutsweeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes we do what's right, even if it's the last thing we really want to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hardest of Choices

**Author's Note:**

  * For [plinys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/plinys/gifts).



> A yuletide treat for plinys.
> 
> Thanks to Isis for the beta.

  
_I believe love is primarily a choice and only sometimes a feeling. If you want to feel love, choose to love and be patient._   
**Real Live Preacher**   


* * *

Renee woke up slowly to fingers trailing up and down her back. Humming happily, she stretched, then gasped at the playful slap on her ass. "Hey!" Her eyes flew open and then she was looking at Barbara, sitting in her borrowed nightgown. Her bare legs were tucked under her, and she looked a lot more together than she had when she'd shown up out of the blue last night. "You're still here," she said. She knew she was smiling stupidly but she couldn't help it.

Barbara seemed to understand though, and didn't take offense. "I'm here. With you. And I plan on staying. Like I told you last night, I belong here. I feel safe here. More like... me."

Rolling over, Renee propped herself up on one elbow to get a better look at Barbara. It didn't take a detective to realize she'd been crying. Her eyes were puffy and red, and the bags under them suggested she hadn't slept much either, but to Renee she'd never looked more beautiful.

"Come here, you," she said, waving to encourage Barbara to lie down next to her. Barbara crawled forward and then stretched out on her side, enabling Renee to snuggle up and wrap her arms around her, the big spoon to Barbara's little one.

They lay together in silence for a few minutes, Renee simply enjoying the feel of holding Barbara again. "This is nice," Barbara said eventually. "I feel so safe here."

That statement set off some bells and whistles in Renee's cop brain. The fact that Barbara had mentioned feeling safe here twice in such a short time? Something had to have happened, and Renee didn't know what. It took a conscious effort, but she pushed away the need to tear into that comment, to find out all the reasons Barbara might think fear for her safety and then take care of each and every threat with extreme malice. Doing that would definitely make her feel better. But retribution rarely helped the victim, and Barbara was the one who mattered the most. 

So instead of making an issue of it, she offered a simple, "I'm glad" before kissing Barbara's hair. Besides, if she did find out at some point that Gordon had done something she could always exact revenge later. There was no statute of limitations on a case like this. You hurt Barbara, Renee was going to make you wish you hadn't. Be it today or tomorrow or even next year, it didn't matter. The question wasn't _if_ you were going to pay, but rather when.

"Thanks for letting me spend the night. And, well, letting me in when I just appeared on your doorstep without even a call in the first place."

"You're always welcome here, Barbara, and you can stay as long as you want." Renee nosed Barbara's hair before rubbing her cheek against her head. "There's no pressure either," she whispered into Barbara's ear. "I'm happy to have you here, whether it's in this bedroom here with me or staying in the guest room. I just want you to be happy and to feel, and be, safe."

Barbara rolled over within Renee's arms so they could look at one another while they talked. "I always feel safe when I'm with you," she said, before leaning up for a quick kiss. "I know I was kind of a mess last night and wasn't in the right... frame of mind to do anything, not right then, and I appreciate you not pressuring me."

"I wouldn't," Renee replied, because that wasn't who she was, that was the kind of person she arrested. "I won't."

"I know." Barbara reached up and began stroking Renee's face, running her thumb along her cheekbone, tracing her lips with her fingers. "But I'm ready now," she added quickly, as she reached for her nightgown strap and began pushing it off her shoulder. It should have been a sexy move, seductive. But all Renee could see was the tension that was all but radiating off her. They couldn't do this, not now. Renee wrapped her hand around Barbara's. It startled her, but, as she intended, it stopped Barbara from disrobing.

"Renee? I don't understand. I thought you.... Don't you want me?"

Serious now, Renee sat up, a soft, sad smile on her face. She was all too familiar with a sexual partner's need to please."Barbara, I'd have to be dead and buried not to want you, but this isn't about me. It's about you. And I don't think you're in a clear enough mind to make a decision about this now. If, in a day or two, you still feel the same way then I'd be happy - hell, I'd be thrilled - to take you up on the offer. But for now? We should take things slowly. How about I just hold you for now? And later I can give you a massage, and tonight we'll have dinner in bed. How does that sound?"

Barbara looked away, facing the wall instead of Renee, her face flushed with either relief or embarrassment, Renee couldn't be sure. "It sounds like I don't deserve you."

Grabbing Barbara's chin, she gently turned it until they were eye to eye. "You deserve to be treated like this," she said. "You deserve this and more, and don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise, all right?"

Barbara blinked quickly, unshed tears in her eyes. But the smile she wore changed, becoming more real, true. "All right."

"Good." Renee lay back down and opened her arms. "Do you want to stay in bed together for a little while? Just to sleep," she added quickly. "I'll just hold you, and maybe whisper the occasional dirty thing in your ear," she teased, getting a laugh from Barbara who slid into her arms and offered her a gentle, chaste kiss before turning and relaxing into the embrace. 

It wasn't long before they both fell back asleep.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Hardest of Choices (podfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8445364) by [Caveat_Lector](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caveat_Lector/pseuds/Caveat_Lector)




End file.
